Triple Whammy

Posted by Lola on Thursday, May 21, 2015 in Memoirs of Honiilols, non-fiction, something close to funny, Worth Blogging Experience | 26 comments

Bang. Dang. Wham.

Saturday, 9th May 2015

An excited me went visiting a big sister with high hopes of learning new tricks in the kitchen - as my marital days draw close na *wink*wink*. Very early I had set out before the sun rose in all its glory in the bright sky; dressed in a pair of jeans and a very simple sky blue chiffon top with cowl neck to match my jeans. Travelling quite light, I picked my purse over a carrier bag and as the very good girl that I am, I held a bottle of wine with some assorted biscuits for my would be hosts and their BOISTEROUS boys.

My sister, whom I will refer to as Ms B met me halfway somewhere around OPIC and our first point of call was the Odo-Eran market very close to the estate by Lagos-Ibadan expressway. We drove slowly through the mud, with the car galloping a couple of times, but still kept a slow pace even as cars blared their horns from behind wondering why we took forever to manoeuvre small ditches. For them mind, they were small ditches but to us ladies, they were damn biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig ditches! About 20-30 minutes later, business was all done. Ms B bought cow leg, 'orisirisi' (assorted) beef with red meat. Everything totaled N2000 and it was super much. At that moment all I could think of was to convince future husband to let us live in the area after marriage, you know (one has to be sharp o), at least we can make some sensible savings off food items. We concluded our buying and headed back to the road still maintaining the unhurried pace.

Finally we were home. I hugged the boys and their uber smart Beninoise maid. We played a little before their momma and I hit the kitchen. Ogi baba (brown pap) laced with ginger served as the appetizer for me after which we made yam pottage and just chatted away while it simmered on the cooker. In between chats and playing with the boys, she cajoled me to spend the night, promising to take me home in the evening so I could pick something to wear for Church the next day. I agreed. Next up, we had brunch and moved to the bedroom afterwards to do what ladies do best - try on clothes. I didn't say earlier that one other reason I visited was to check out some dresses *hehehehehehehehe* She had some lovely dresses for sale and fashionista me didn't want to miss out. I settled for four dresses (very sexy ones at that :*) and my happiness grew another notch. They were truly beautiful.

Just one of 'em

About 5 hours into my visit I decided to use the ladies and on my way back to the bedroom, my precious pink Sony Xperia Z1 Compact fell face-down to the ground. Yeeeeeeeeeeepa. I picked it up with trepidation but was happy to see just a slight crack *whew* what relief I felt at the sight of a very small, surface crack. But alas! My relief was short-lived as the phone wouldn't respond to my touch (it didn't even feel awakened by the sensuousness oozing from my fingers). I tried all the hard reset stuff, same. Left it off for so long, prayed on it - yeah I prayed on it. Rubbed anointing oil...my faith failed me this time.
So my happy visit was suddenly truncated. I was too sad to have fun. I needed to go home to get another phone at least to keep me in the "world" in the meantime. For 48 full hours I was out of the internet space which seemed like I was out of all that mattered. What balderdash!!!

WHAMMY 1!

Monday, 11th May 2015

I woke up feeling the need to rush to the office so I could run private errands before work started then I realized the opening hours for iCell was between 9 am & 5 pm so I decided instead to do some office work before heading out. Meanwhile, I also had another short errand to run for the Church which was to change a 100 dollar bill - all in the same route.

I went straight to warranty office opposite Computer Village only to be told they had no screen in stock and needed to visit another affiliate. I got the directions off the lady and headed towards Salvation in Opebi. Since my movement was going to require going through Allen I decided to stop to change the 100 dollar bill first. Fortunately, I had prior info from someone how much a dollar was going for so I tried to bargain a good deal. The Mallam who approached me took me to his office and offered N208/$, I declined. I saw another guy who offered N219/$ which was exactly what my contact told me but I wanted a ballpark figure so I said N220. The guy agreed, counted out the cash and gave me. I counted the money and saw it was N21,000. N1,000 short right? I called the guy's attention to it and he collected the money back to recount. He saw it was N21,000 truly and gave the money back to me he then gave me one extra '1,000 bill to make it N22,000. I withdrew the dollar bill from my pocket and gave him and we were done. A couple of other guys were around us and I was sort of wary any of them would follow me but they assured me nothing. They spoke same Yoruba language with me. We even laughed briefly. One of them asked for a bottle of coke as I turned to leave and I offered him my best smile.

Money in hand, not even in my wallet I found my way to Hellotech to fix my phone. I passed over my phone and the technician told me it would cost me twenty-seven thousand naira to fix my phone!!!

WHAMMY 2!!

My knees weakened I tell you. 27 kini???? It was important to get the phone fixed so I started another round of bargaining. I begged for twenty thousand naira but they said NO. I even promised never to spoil the phone again, to be a good and very careful girl. All three men laughed. Then another guy came in for the same purpose - to fix the screen of his Sony Xperia Z2 or Z1 maybe and it was the same cost. Finally, they agreed to accept twenty-two thousand naira. They requested I make a deposit but they didn't have any POS so I thought to use the cash with me and then withdraw on my way back to the office. I unfolded the money in my hand, counted out N10,000 to give the young man attending to me then I realized I had N3,000 left. Dazed. Disoriented. Shocked. Bewildered. Please how did 22k become 13k?

WHAMMY 3!!!

And there Ladies and Gentlemen is the sad tale of my phone-crash-dupe saga :(

What did this entire experience teach me?

1. To buy cheaper phones that I can afford to watch "rot" if the screen shatters

2. To make use of phone pouch; there is a very good reason those are being sold in the stores

3. To always recount every cash I am given

4. To never change money with guys on that Allen junction who do not have business names or offices for that matter

Writer's note

- Ogi baba is a special kind of pap made from brown sorghum. Pap is usually made from cereals either sorghum, millet or maize. It is a semi-solid food mostly given to babies but widely taken in West Africa by adults inclusive.

- Yeeeeepaaaaaa is an expression of disbelief, of shock. It would be safe to say it is an exclamation in Yoruba language.

- Orisirisi simply means a variety of...


Picture credit goes to bodhisutra