Thursday, 21 May 2015

Triple Whammy

Bang. Dang. Wham.

Saturday, 9th May 2015

An excited me went visiting a big sister with high hopes of learning new tricks in the kitchen - as my marital days draw close na *wink*wink*. Very early I had set out before the sun rose in all its glory in the bright sky; dressed in a pair of jeans and a very simple sky blue chiffon top with cowl neck to match my jeans. Travelling quite light, I picked my purse over a carrier bag and as the very good girl that I am, I held a bottle of wine with some assorted biscuits for my would be hosts and their BOISTEROUS boys.
My sister, whom I will refer to as Ms B met me halfway somewhere around OPIC and our first point of call was the Odo-Eran market very close to the estate by Lagos-Ibadan expressway. We drove slowly through the mud, with the car galloping a couple of times, but still kept a slow pace even as cars blared their horns from behind wondering why we took forever to manoeuvre small ditches. For them mind, they were small ditches but to us ladies, they were damn biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig ditches! About 20-30 minutes later, business was all done. Ms B bought cow leg, 'orisirisi' (assorted) beef with red meat. Everything totaled N2000 and it was super much. At that moment all I could think of was to convince future husband to let us live in the area after marriage, you know (one has to be sharp o), at least we can make some sensible savings off food items. We concluded our buying and headed back to the road still maintaining the unhurried pace.

Finally we were home. I hugged the boys and their uber smart Beninoise maid. We played a little before their momma and I hit the kitchen. Ogi baba (brown pap) laced with ginger served as the appetizer for me after which we made yam pottage and just chatted away while it simmered on the cooker. In between chats and playing with the boys, she cajoled me to spend the night, promising to take me home in the evening so I could pick something to wear for Church the next day. I agreed. Next up, we had brunch and moved to the bedroom afterwards to do what ladies do best - try on clothes. I didn't say earlier that one other reason I visited was to check out some dresses *hehehehehehehehe* She had some lovely dresses for sale and fashionista me didn't want to miss out. I settled for four dresses (very sexy ones at that :*) and my happiness grew another notch. They were truly beautiful.
Just one of 'em
About 5 hours into my visit I decided to use the ladies and on my way back to the bedroom, my precious pink Sony Xperia Z1 Compact fell face-down to the ground. Yeeeeeeeeeeepa. I picked it up with trepidation but was happy to see just a slight crack *whew* what relief I felt at the sight of a very small, surface crack. But alas! My relief was short-lived as the phone wouldn't respond to my touch (it didn't even feel awakened by the sensuousness oozing from my fingers). I tried all the hard reset stuff, same. Left it off for so long, prayed on it - yeah I prayed on it. Rubbed anointing faith failed me this time.
So my happy visit was suddenly truncated. I was too sad to have fun. I needed to go home to get another phone at least to keep me in the "world" in the meantime. For 48 full hours I was out of the internet space which seemed like I was out of all that mattered. What balderdash!!!


Monday, 11th May 2015
I woke up feeling the need to rush to the office so I could run private errands before work started then I realized the opening hours for iCell was between 9 am & 5 pm so I decided instead to do some office work before heading out. Meanwhile, I also had another short errand to run for the Church which was to change a 100 dollar bill - all in the same route.

I went straight to warranty office opposite Computer Village only to be told they had no screen in stock and needed to visit another affiliate. I got the directions off the lady and headed towards Salvation in Opebi. Since my movement was going to require going through Allen I decided to stop to change the 100 dollar bill first. Fortunately, I had prior info from someone how much a dollar was going for so I tried to bargain a good deal. The Mallam who approached me took me to his office and offered N208/$, I declined. I saw another guy who offered N219/$ which was exactly what my contact told me but I wanted a ballpark figure so I said N220. The guy agreed, counted out the cash and gave me. I counted the money and saw it was N21,000. N1,000 short right? I called the guy's attention to it and he collected the money back to recount. He saw it was N21,000 truly and gave the money back to me he then gave me one extra '1,000 bill to make it N22,000. I withdrew the dollar bill from my pocket and gave him and we were done. A couple of other guys were around us and I was sort of wary any of them would follow me but they assured me nothing. They spoke same Yoruba language with me. We even laughed briefly. One of them asked for a bottle of coke as I turned to leave and I offered him my best smile.
Money in hand, not even in my wallet I found my way to Hellotech to fix my phone. I passed over my phone and the technician told me it would cost me twenty-seven thousand naira to fix my phone!!!


My knees weakened I tell you. 27 kini???? It was important to get the phone fixed so I started another round of bargaining. I begged for twenty thousand naira but they said NO. I even promised never to spoil the phone again, to be a good and very careful girl. All three men laughed. Then another guy came in for the same purpose - to fix the screen of his Sony Xperia Z2 or Z1 maybe and it was the same cost. Finally, they agreed to accept twenty-two thousand naira. They requested I make a deposit but they didn't have any POS so I thought to use the cash with me and then withdraw on my way back to the office. I unfolded the money in my hand, counted out N10,000 to give the young man attending to me then I realized I had N3,000 left. Dazed. Disoriented. Shocked. Bewildered. Please how did 22k become 13k?


And there Ladies and Gentlemen is the sad tale of my phone-crash-dupe saga :(

What did this entire experience teach me?
1. To buy cheaper phones that I can afford to watch "rot" if the screen shatters

2. To make use of phone pouch; there is a very good reason those are being sold in the stores

3. To always recount every cash I am given

4. To never change money with guys on that Allen junction who do not have business names or offices for that matter

Writer's note

- Ogi baba is a special kind of pap made from brown sorghum. Pap is usually made from cereals either sorghum, millet or maize. It is a semi-solid food mostly given to babies but widely taken in West Africa by adults inclusive.

- Yeeeeepaaaaaa is an expression of disbelief, of shock. It would be safe to say it is an exclamation in Yoruba language.

- Orisirisi simply means a variety of...

Picture credit goes to bodhisutra


  1. I agree with number four, don't ever change money on the road again especially those mallam on the road everywhere,not only allen. no be today they scam people.the compliments you get from those dresses should console you dear.*smiles*

    1. Big lesson for me I tell you. It sure can't happen to me again. Seriously though, why do some people derive pleasure in swindling/cheating/deceiving others?

  2. hahaha!loved every bit of your story .its so true

    1. Thanks Jasmine. I appreciate your taking time to drop a comment ;-)

  3. 'I begged for twenty thousand naira but they said NO. I even promised never to spoil the phone again, to be a good and very careful girl.'

    'To buy cheaper phones that I can afford to watch "rot" if the screen shatters'
    You want to kill somebody with laughter. But seriously,they were too many misfortunes to happen to you in the space of a few hours. wetin? na only you 'whammy' waka come meet?

    1. Hian! Na only me o *Laughing*

      I just had to find a way to appeal to their good nature even though not spoiling the phone means no business from me to them.

  4. This post should be titled "Triple Whammy" aka Feyi Kangbo.
    Asides the fact it cracked me up; I also learned a big lesson in terms of dealing with people- Never let your guards down; even in the face of friendship.
    Hoping your mobile device won't get damaged again till you're ready to replace it (or chairman decides to surprise you)
    and the dress... hmm omo you too set! Ah ahn!

    Great write up dear. I love your new found diversity.
    Can't wait to see you transit to the next level.

    Looking forward to your next post.

    Sincerely yours,

  5. Lmao...oyin won't kill me... The Allen saga happened to me twice.. First was on that same Allen junction in 2008. After my american Bobo struggled to send me $50 (covers face) I biked to Allen oh...abokis surrounded me and asked if I wanted to change dollar, pounds, dihram, yen, lol.. I was forming, so I saw one looking innocent na him I summon am to come.. I think dollar was 160 or so then, so my change will be 8k. He gave me the money and I counted 7k. I returned it and said "mallam, d money no complete" he counted it and said he's sorry and added 1k... I just shoved d $50 in his hands and told d bike man to move... D bike man now said "aunty, u count d money so?" My mind skipped as I Thot that the money felt light sef.. Na so I count money and realized d moron took 2k and gave me 8k...
    Part 2 Wham(let me borrow that slogan lol) but this time I was smart... Last December, After a long flight from Washington I reach lagos and was waiting for a friend to pick me up, the moron don't show up, so I called an aboki to change $100 so as to pay for cab...
    "Oga, how much?" He said 180 ... I didn't haggle with the rate... Was forming bigs geh, so he counted d money while I still held tight to my dollar... Gave me and i counted .. 'Twas 17k I said its remaining 1k... He took it back just like he did to oyin lol... Said oh mistake and added the 1k... So I collected it and was about to count the money... Na so the man snatch the nonsense money and said ..." I no change money for u again, Ur wahala too much" i dropped my phoney and swag and cussed him like a market woman lol...

  6. hehehehehhehehehehehehee now that 3k Balance is a clear case of "The more you look the less you see.." heheheheh Okay! So they did that to you?! Mehn i am sooo angry right now, my temperature is hot enough to fry plantain.. Hold me oh Lola.. Hold me Orrr Amma go beat up that brover on your behalf.. :)

    Oya Lemme start commenting from bottom up! Aha! Those guys are criminals i tell you! Shuo! pele.. god will judge them 2 times... Ehen! You see?! Lola shey you see?! When the heavens were saying sew a seed into JdB's life, you nor gree... Shey you see nah.. **Tongue out.. I mean i haf been toasting you lati 19kokokoro to gimme the Xperia.. You nor gree,... Nah you see... Funny thing yeah is that this is the second major and ghen ghen thing that is happening to it! **Deep sigh.. Pele.. It is well.. But ehmm! What happened to the warranty nah?! Plus iCell has branches in series of places...

    Okay now the first few paragraphs of this post (and that ghen ghen picSHur **Cleans sweat.. ) had and HAVE me smiling like a fish.. You are just a very fine and endearing plus cute someboRRy shaaaa... inshort iTrip.. sorry about the phone and the Allen Black "Daylight" Magic.. May the lord be your shoulder to lean on at the time of Ikeja confusion.. **Runs away..

    Wait 22k to fix a screen.. **Faints.. Heaven, please be a Faint eraser.. aha! Kilode?! Mehn thats some scary shi oH!.. Cheers Bubba.. This was such an Hilarious read.. i am tempted to Tell you Ntooii oh.. but having that you still owe Omolomo a Mad max (abi kiloruko movie ehn?) movie ticket yeah, amma just behave myself.. and the crowd goes.. Sorryyy Bubba.. **Wears Evil smile

  7. *Lwkmd* Y'all have got me in a fit. I have been howling loudly like a banshee. Your comments are even funnier than the piece itself.

    @Neo: I'm glad you gleaned something from this and the fact that you had a good laugh too. I tell you, one has got to be street sharp o. Lagos I hail!

    @hazel eyes: You are just a clown. Every line got me in stitches but come to think of it you actually came to Nigeria without doing salamo to me????? Huh? After I had waited for so long to see you again and maybe get some of those jumper jackets off you! kuse o

    @Duru: What can I say? I just knew you'd give me that cheesy look as I aff refused to sew the phone into your life so. You know someone else walked up to me in Church on Sunday asking to buy this same phone? Y'all be eyeing this Xperia like it's some sumptuous looking meal. Let me use my money well well now. Biko. Oya Duru, I'll honestly think about it this time please don't let this phone go bad again. Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaseeeeeeeee. Chairman isn't ready to get me a new one *runs away*

  8. **In Daddy's voice** "Y wud u leh dose abokis swindle u ly dat, afta all d money i spent on ur education ehn dis geh!!" "If nor dah u are about to marry ehn, I wuu aff taken my koboko and spank u gan niii!!!" Lol...Don't mind d daddy swagz ooo, Like as if the same thing did not just happened to me d last time I was in Lagos and that was just this past February ooo! Wait! yours was $100? Mine was a thousand two hundred dollars ooo...I cried for 17hours non-stop when the whole thing was missing 38,000 naira... The funny thing was dat i think my own disappeared ni after I left the place (Agbana tinz!! pele sa all d same! A ni ri iru e moo. And dah picture of u ehn....allow me to say u are a sight to behold...Love d write-up and d writer!!!

    1. OMG! Are you for real? 38,000 short?! How did that happen? That's just sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo huge a sum :(

    2. Honii...I am telling you, I was dazed for hours afterwards!! Counted d money like 20 times over praying for a miracle.. But I was sure d guy used jazz on that money... But dats life sa...learnt a lesson that day, now I only change currency from d bank only!!

  9. This lady sha! In fact na real 'bang, dang and wham'- such a climax indeed!

    Sorry abt these sad days. However, 'recounting' your money might not have stopped part of it from vanishing. Na jaz, sister mi. Only God- and the perpetrator- knows how they make this stuff disappear from your bag!
    My experience: About a month before my wedding, wey my eyes dey chook for money, my bride to be and my elder sister waka go Eko go buy some of all the gbogboe things needed for preparation. After spending 60k from my hard earned 100k I gave them, 40k developed wigs from my gals bag 'and away, it flew!!!'.
    My gal cried and cried...I form say nothing dey happen, when I laid me down to sleep that night; I fell sick from nowhere!!! Cos I still had lotta stuffs to fix with money, and I was wondering how 40k vanished just like... it still remains a mystery. It wasn't until my mama's Pastor advised I cooled down, that the loss was a sacrifice, blablabla... and he gave a Yoruba proverb, translated in pidgin/English means "person wey death wan kill but na d cap hin comot suppose dey happy = he whom was meant to die but lost his cap shld b thankful".
    That was how I forgot my sorrow and moved ahead.

    So my sister and 'admiree', nothing do u o.


    1. Even me was pained after reading this comment. Sorry dear. When I was much younger I used to wonder why my mom would keep lump sum in her underskirt and tie wrapper firmly around her waist. I dared to ask her once and she told me it was unsafe to carry bag in Eko Idumota as boys were known to "weju" (posses extra powers that make them know you have mega bucks in your bag) and before you know it, don disappear. So when it comes to places like Eko Idumota I am overly careful but in all these, na God sure pass. God help us.

      Thanks for taking time to share your experience.

  10. Okay I literally laughed out loud while reading! You are funny....I like this...I will visit more often....

    I saw you on IG.....phew! **big teddy hug mami**

    1. Big big cuddly hugs maami. I'm loving all your lovey-dovey pictures with hubby. Thanks for taking time to read and comment, I'm glad you had something to laugh about.

      Looking excitedly forward to your next visit :-)

  11. That day it happened, you should have seen the expression on your face. You can never be too smart in Lagos Sha. That "dupe" experience must have made you feel like a "jolly just come"... Trust you to shine ya eyes well well next time.

  12. They have showed you eko. Pele....all these phones aren't loyal. I bought pouch for my Lumia before it was delivered cuz the screen breaks, no, it shatters and I'm grateful for that step. These things happen, glad you didn't let you down.

  13. @ Funke I mean Tolulope *hehehehehe* the look on my face was epic! Honestly it felt like a movie and I couldn't even recount what happened for so long. I had to pinch myself severally to be sure I wasn't in a trance. Sighs

    @Sheun: Thanks sisi mi. Happy to see you again. Bear hugs.

  14. I'm still trying to reconcile the 22k with 13k. That's so unfair, I can't even laugh. As for the Z1, I'm glad I changed my mind about buying it last month and opted for a cheaper Samsung Prime which has fallen face down innumerable times since then, yet hasn't cracked. I shudder to picture my Sony Experia falling in it place! *shivers*
    Lastly why show us just one dress? No fair! You had me anticipating then you shattered my dreams.

  15. This reminds me if when my sis and I went to get stuff at idumota, this guy comes with some lovely looking gold watches, proposing to sell at very ridiculously low prices. My sis was like wow things are really cheap here oh she bought the watch without haggling much, we continued our shopping even saw the guy several times around the areas we shopped. We finished shopping, boarded a bus that would take us home, sis decided to check her watch she bought for a steal but alas the pack was filled with stones... my sis rubbed her eyes like am I dreaming or is this a joke, my sister can be very dramatic so I didn't even pay her much mind, not until she started shouting loool that was when fellow passangers told her it was a common trick, that if she had insisted on wearing the watch there, he would have refused selling kai it was an eye opener for us.

    Sorry about your loss you will recover it don't worry.

  16. Hello ma'am..hope u re doing grt?got to ur blog via duru..u knw how he loves advertising all d *ghen ghen*blogs...pardon me duru..lola sowi abt wat happened,and we all ve learnt a lesson from u..lola i must say dis...u re passion,zeal,love for wat u do here,got me stocked here for awhile..u take ur readers along wif u as u tell ur story..dats a gift mami..i am happy dat i met u here..God bless mami

    1. Awwwwh...that's good to know that you spent some time going through my write-ups. Thank you. You know how Duru is, his lifelong dream is to build a warm, loving community of talented bloggers. God bless you too papi. Cheers!

  17. Hello ma'am..hope u re doing grt?got to ur blog via duru..u knw how he loves advertising all d *ghen ghen*blogs...pardon me duru..lola sowi abt wat happened,and we all ve learnt a lesson from u..lola i must say dis...u re passion,zeal,love for wat u do here,got me stocked here for awhile..u take ur readers along wif u as u tell ur story..dats a gift mami..i am happy dat i met u here..God bless mami