15-for-15 Challenge01 - Hey Woman!

Posted by Lola on Monday, January 26, 2015 in Hearty Matters, Inspirational | 13 comments

I was privileged to have a heart-2-heart conversation with my boss recently and in the flurry of it all, something struck me. She said, “As a woman it is of utmost importance you know who are. This is the guiding light to every decision you make because it is sure to help you also know what you want”. Those were not her exact words but the entirety of what she said. These are things we already know…maybe, but because we have not been able to frame them into action words, they don’t guide us.

The core of this post is the woman; her romantic relationships, her as a strong being and the selection of a spouse. However, let me also state that it is not to ward off male readers as there are great insights to decision making to be learned which can be applied to any area of one’s life. The decision making process which I am about to share is the same but sure application is different for individuals. You will agree with me that all decisions require due diligence and careful deliberation whether it is for the woman seeking spousal companionship or the man wanting to buy shares in big conglomerates or the young adult needing to decide which country/school to pursue a professional degree - everyone has to make certain major decisions at some point so this is for you too. It is as much for you my dear readers as it is for me (#lifetimelearner). Last year I started an intentional self-knowledge journey which for me has been the spur of revival of some sort. This piece isn’t about me, so let’s refocus…

I will be drawing a lot of knowledge from conversations I have had with people; a bit of my personal experience; books I have read particularly TD Jakes’ “Before you do”.

DECISION! DECISION!! DECISION!!!
Some people are able to face situations headstrong, their senses and heart still intact while some just ram into it and end up losing either of both with regret trailing their shadows. To make any decision there are 3 key things you must understand:

1. Know who you are

2. Know what is important to you

3. Know how you want to exist and proceed in this world

All these is in clarity of the fact that your future is as strong as the decisions that precede it so it is important to have a clear understanding of who you are, not as the world defines you though. Fine there are certain strengths or weaknesses you may not have been able to identify that loved ones will point out to you - all these can help shape up your list but do not let the external general world do that definition for you, it is ultimately up to you. This journey is not one to end in few weeks mind you, considering we may never even get to know everything about ourselves, however, starting now gives you a good mileage. Know thyself. Understand what makes you tick. Know what interests you about life. Know the recreational activities you enjoy, values you would never trade, add all the other specifics and get on that discovery road. A dear friend would say, the journey is as important as the destination – the destination is the decision making point in this context while the journey itself is the self-discovery.

Now that you know yourself a bit, you are faced as a woman with marital decisions. Okay, so you are not at that point yet where suitors are falling at your sexy feet asking for your beautiful hand in marriage but you know it will happen sooner than later, what should you do?
CRUCIAL COMPONENTS OF RELATIONSHIP DECISION 
These points will serve as a summary of what I learned reading TD Jakes’ book. He highlighted five crucial components every lady (and man, young adult etc.) must consider before stamping a decision. I call them the 5 Rs, (RESEARCH, ROADWORK, REWARDS, REVELATION & REARVIEW). 

Let's take a quickie look at them Rs

Research means you need to do some work; either mental or leg work, work must be done! I remember my Marketing facilitator always saying to us in class, "get your hands dirty". You need to collect information from reliable sources, collect data. A quick caution though, this should not propel you into digging dirty details on subject matter it just means you should ask the right questions and let whatever answer you get guide you. Truth is you can never know more than you are willing to ask and you will soon find out ample information gives ease to decision making.
Roadwork  involves removing all the obstacles that may hinder your information gathering process and actual understanding of what is at stake.
Rewards is when you list your choices and imagine the consequences that may fall through and this is largely dependent on preset information. Ensure this is done objectively as women tend to be swayed by emotions when weighing options so being completely fair may just be difficult especially if your heart is already in sync with one of your choices.
Revelation - narrow your selection and make your decision. REALITY CHECK------------>You know that when you make your decision, that's it? sefini? No going back? No room for regrets here so deliberately delay that thinking process so you are confident about your final decision. Let them call you names, refer to you as snail-paced or indecisive, proud, cold and all sorts, the ultimate goal is to prevent regrets. Know thyself! Understand what works for you. I like to think of myself as someone who is very meticulous, detailed and cautious so all these reflect in my daily activities and when I mess up, I am equally extremely hard on myself.  
Rearview - After all has been thought out and accepted, look back from time to time, adjust where necessary to stay on course.You will get new information along the way that will enhance your relationship; be open to such but closed to anything that may bring destruction.

Decision to enter a committed relationship should never be taken with levity, it is an important step because when all the mushy-mushy, gogo-gaga feelings wear off as they will always do, what will fuel that relationship? Mutual respect? His ability to cater to your financial needs?? Aging looks??? I don't know. You need to know who you are, who he is, his character, life goals, morals and spiritual beliefs, his idea of fun, emotional stability and the list is endless - you choose what matters to you.I could go on and on but wisdom says nip it here.
ACTION POINT----------->Remember the fact-gathering bit? Get to it now!



Writer's note - This is my first post in the "Woman- her body, soul and spirit" series. I hope you gleaned a thing or two. Feel free to share content with friends and be sure to acknowledge source ;-) I pray the light of God fills your heart and mind as it turns every darkness(uncertainty, confusion, wanderings etc.) into light - Psalm 18:28

Image credit - www.diyhealth.com