Friday, 19 December 2014

Let's Talk About Love

Posted by Oyinlola Sobowale on Friday, December 19, 2014 in , | 11 comments

I know, I know. This subject commands a lot of attention, provokes a lot of controversy. Our views to it are as different as our faces.

I must confess I am no expert on love matters *I so wish I was though*. Frankly speaking, I don’t think any one person is (due respect to all the self proclaimed love specialist out there). For you see, their tips work for those who believe. That is so with every other thing in life. I always marvel at how some things materialize after a firm believer’s belief. My expressions in this piece are strictly my opinion; they may or may not tally with yours..but just hear me out and try to reason in concert. I may be right, but then I may also be wrong...

Love is a very relative term. We see it differently. We express it differently. It is essentially what we (me or you) call it. 


So,

I have heard people say, in defense of love or to profess love;

# If he doesn't beat you then he doesn't love you

# there is no true love without jealousy

# If he loves you he will marry you

# If he loves you he will do anything you say

# I love her, I just can’t be with one woman

# I love him, just don’t wanna put all my eggs in one basket

# I cannot love a man I cannot look up to

# I can’t love a woman who doesn't know that she is a woman

#If you love me you would make love to me (well, the unmarried ones)

#If you love me, you will take an oath with me

#If you love him, you will sleep with 10 men to make money in order to save his life

#If you love her, you will allow her complete control over you

I'm sure you have heard so many more

A long time ago, someone asked me a question about love, a woman….a girl then. My girl friend. So this day she looked to me straight in the eye and asked me “Honni, can one love two people at the same time?” My answer, as I now realize, was rather pathetic, shallow and immature. ( I won’t tell though...I don't want you laughing at me). If I were dating a girl today and she asked me that question, it would immediately raise a flag…she is either comparing me with another man or she is liking someone and for some reason she wouldn't wanna leave me. She wants to keep both of us. As you have imagined, that was the case with my girlfriend…but I was too naive to see it then. So I went on blabbing about how the heart is indivisible as it is where love lives…one can only love one person…blah blah blah...my response was naive. I said it in my innocence. But I have grown from the point of laughing at my self and discrediting myself in that regard to actually believing that I was right. That was the divine design; one heart, one love.

The heart is a very tricky fellow. It seems to have a mind of its own. I bet that is why the Bible says to guard it as it is the fountain of the issues of life.

So a guy doubles dates because he requires multiple sources of female company and pleasure. A woman doubles dates because she requires multiple sources of male company and numerous compliments. In the ideal sense, dating is a vehicle or a platform for love. It opens the doors and sets the fire…in ideal sense that is.

These days, people are scared of loving because love makes you vulnerable….did I hear you say true? Hmmm. Well We have corrupted the concept of love by seeking self, like Adam and Eve corrupted Eden by lust.

To be vulnerable means you have given out love and thus earned the right to be loved. Do you feel vulnerable to your pair? Then you love them for you have willingly broken down those walls of defense and fell with your eyes, closed?

Love is never about you. We do not get loved by asking to be loved, we get loved by first loving. Isn't that why a man swallows his ego to approach a woman and while freaking out tells her how he feels about her and her positive response of loving him back makes him stronger than he ever was. Such magical mystery.
The capacity to love is in itself a divine trait. That is why we need to look at love with a broader perspective. 
You know, beyond the emotion of a man to a woman and vice versa, the capacity to love makes you godlike. It puts you above your offender as it humbles you to open sacrifice.




Picture Credit : Zazzle
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11 comments:

  1. Love is a feeling i don't think anyone can ever define it

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  2. Love is a decision

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  3. Okay ... pained I wasn't the fist to see this as usual, It was due to my laptop breaking up with me (It crashed... *crying*) bcos I didn't love it enough.. So I just got a new one today sa (hope it can love me like my ex laptop did... LOL!). About this love thing...this is a really insightful write-up you got here..really it is! But my opinion is that it is possible for the heart to love more than one person... or how do you explain God loving us all if that aint possible.... just saying!

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    1. Solaaaaaaa! Of course you know the kind of love I was referring to and it's different from the unconditional love of God for all. So in essence you are saying you can get emotionally attached to several thousand ladies...just asking!

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  4. Bravo Onyilola, Bravo... and look who says she isnt good at prose writting? To that my respo se is Ifaye... :) Bubba, you are a natural, and a writer by default inshort i wanna be like thee when i grow up biko.. oya chop knockusssss.. I wish i could tell you that in my 23 years 1 month 12 days 19 hours 44 minutes sojourn of life, i have learnt what love truly is, but the truth is love is as vast as the ocean, but what i must add is that which oneplustheone.com said ""love is a Choice, not an emotion""

    Well can you love 2 people at a tkme? well hell yeah, but the major question is can you love 2eople EQUALLY at a time? And to that i say hell no. Lola we choose who we fall in love with, and in my confused eyes, falling out of love is as easy as falling in love, so whatever we choose to love, more like whoever, lets remember that halpiness and fulfillment ( be it through wealth, sex, or compassion) must be a priority, cause we as humans are capable of loving anything, and anyone. Cheers Bubba, and complements of the season... ehm Bubba, where is our giveaway nah? No stories alowed, i want an iPhone 6 oooooo.

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  5. All of you asking me for iPhone 6, God is watching you o & in fact has heard your prayers concerning my bank account, it is fattening up in Jesus name. Just get in line mate...you are no *counting my fingers* 5 I think. I shall reach you soon...

    About the piece, check the label again. It wasn't me. I told you, I don't do prose. It will take a whole lot to get me to compose something as sensible. *hehehehehe* Anyways, thanks for such staunch faith in my capabilities. How's the villa? You catching fun? Loving up all them bubbas? staying sober? Doing the river bath? Walking the road shirtless? lol. Have fun dear. ehugs

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  6. Hehehehheheheheh Did you saying walking Shirtless, inside this Harmattan, now i know my enemies... **winks if i try it ehn, i will just turn to stock fish. Lmao. I actually stayed at Enugu town instead, was at the village only briefly. Chei we haf missed you sori Instagram ooo, dont worry, when i come back to Lagos, i will pick up my X- Peria :p

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    1. When are you coming back jo? I finally did a prose o. When I was done, I looked at it again and told myself I done did it. Thank God for Duru who prodded me. Boy, am I glad I met you or what! You are indeed a great addition to my life, please come pick the Xperia at shikini money. As you be my person now, just pay fiti thousand naira only (50,000). *winks*

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  7. I was once told: Love is the feeling you feel when you know you are feeling that feeling.
    Is this love? Is love just a feeling? Are we capable of loving more than one person a time? Don't we currently compartmentalise love for different people and things?

    Erotic love is in the realm of the mind and a function of our idiosyncrasies, experiences, fantasies and at times self delusions. Yeah, I know it sounds harsh but strip it of all the fancy descriptions...this is what it is!

    Hence at best, 'love' is self centric and driven by our own pre defined motives. Rarely, do we act outside our prior framework with which we seek to classify 'the one'.

    So is it possible to be in a confused state at times...longing for 2 persons at the same time? Yes, if they mean different things to us ( poly-love).
    No, if mono-love is part of our strong idiosyncrasies. We are forced to go with best possible option

    Ultimately, love is a decision. Feelings come after we have made that deliberate decision- for some it's in a twinkle of an eye, while some take some time to decide .

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  8. After this deliberate decision/phase, in order to enjoy the love transaction... You gotta go at it with all heart ( i have assumed that your partner is da bomb!)

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