Sunday, 23 November 2014

Turning Tables...

Posted by Lola on Sunday, November 23, 2014 in , , , | 4 comments

"Babe, you are home early. Wetin happen, no weekend rendezvous with Romeo?" Derin asked, her face partly turned towards the back door that ushered in a weary-looking Kofo.

Was her voice slightly tinged with sarcasm? I hope not was Kofo's thought as she formed a passable response but somehow ended up blurting the truth as it were..."No. Nowhere romantic today. It is not my turn".

"Turn? What do you mean by turn? Is he marrieeeeeeeeed?" Derin careened to her full height, hands placed gingerly over her mouth. The thought of that innocent and mature looking, calm dude having an affair beats her. She cautioned her heart from racing faster than the normal 70bpm as she waited for her roomie and friend of 3-years to spill it all.

"No he is not. I thought I told you that before!" tears plus anger building

"Yes, you did that's why I am slightly confused as to the 'turn-thing'. It is possible he lied to you, maybe, and you just found out the truth. So what exactly is it?" Derin pressed further

It's not my turn. That's crystal enough. What's confusing in that? This weekend is for another girl, simple. Maybe it's Funmi's turn or  Bola, or whoever else I've heard him mention, I don't know." She boomed, her anger rising again.


Growing up I used to wonder how men could comfortably love more than one woman, profess all the undying love and make themselves available at every important occasion in each one's life. You see I know what it means to do 'the rotation'; one week with Mrs A, another week with Mrs B and if there is a Mrs C or even Mrs D, extra weeks are apportioned to them which implies a wife may not see her husband in close to a month.
I know what it means to want to see someone you love badly because you have juicy news, even gossips to share and you try to bottle up that excitement till it is your turn to see him...I know what it means to have to pray and hope that the week would end real quickly, that your turn can come so and you offer the same prayers, though differently this time because you need your own week to be longer. *Hehehehehe*...same way I know somehow you have to veil your thoughts from affecting your feelings because you sometimes wonder if he holds the other woman that way or it is just a special expression between you too.

I so know what it means, maybe not as the wife but as the true daughter of the wife who longs and hopes as she sits by the window every night never knowing someone else sees her tears...that sharp iciness you hear in her voice is a failed attempt to conceal her raging jealousy. Sometimes she wonders why it isn't just her he is loving and warming up to, the only woman who cooks his meals...

But then they are married and that fate is somehow sealed.

So it's funny when I hear of single ladies who are actually aware of their 'male friends' being involved with other ladies. Scratch that, like I am not one of them? I know what it feels like to be that other lady; the one in the kitchen doing all the toiling because his ma wants me to make my fish pepper soup specialty while he chats away with his lady love but somehow in the innermost part of my core I have high hopes that my domesticity will thaw his heart. I know what it means to be other lady who is shunned for weeks on end when they are in their love nest, necking and cuddling yet his phone is on and still never seem to connect...I so know what it means to have so much to say but there is just not that one person when you truly need him to listen and just listen, to feel the intensity of your excitement.

Yes, I know.

It is funny how we as ladies have caged ourselves in certain relationships be it friends with benefits (talk for another day), or live-in lovers, or boyfriends or potential husbands who have several other ladies they are 'sampling' according to them. (Sampling by the way doesn't have to entail sexual intimacy, emotional attachment for me is the highest form of intimacy to be shared with any man. That kills faster than anything physical).

The norm has made me forget what is right or wrong. They tell me it is impossible to meet a man who wouldn't have one or two others he is 'dating' and would at some point weigh to decide whom to eventually marry. When did we become objects needing to be weighed? I have seen soooooooo many really smart and beautiful ladies get tangled in this sort of web. They talk about the proportion of men to women and the embarrassingly large number of singles needing to get hitched on a man. They talk about strategies to distinguish themselves; do all the 'yes-yes' just to be in his good books; pray and sometimes in over-bloated selfishness wish the other ladies ill just so they can drop out of his 'heart commitment-race'. We keep ourselves in unpleasant conditions like we are trying to compensate for something...height? Weight? What exactly, pray tell! You think you are too fat and you would never find anyone who would be completely yours alone???? (I don't know why I chose to focus on physical appearance but it sure goes beyond that).

I wonder, for how long shall you wait till it's your turn? Two weeks? Two months? Six months??? For how long shall you strategically plan and all you ever do is to devise wicked schemes of how to annihilate another? For how long shall you pray and all you ever utter are curses and venom-filled words seeking the downfall of your perceived rival? From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. These things should not be so, definitely not so! Read James 3...

Personally, I don't have the capacity to compete with other women for his affection no more.What you see is what you get. I too was pitiful at that younger age when I had no understanding and awareness of the immense deposits of God in my life. When I had no understanding of the plans of the Father for me. No self-actualization. No clear road map of what I wanted. Now I am armed with a clear identity of who God says I am and I refuse to be a part of that turning table game. It will always be my pause, no halt. 

Image Credit : RF Cafe videos


  1. Bravo... Bravoo!!! Mehn lemme just say something quickly, "this post was wonderfully written". I mean it has every single element worthy of note; emotion, humor, wisdom, name it.. Mehn Bubba, you have a gift.. Have you ever considered writing a Book Oyinlola? it would be awessssoooommme on all levels.

    Okay not to be overly carried away by your wisdom and intelligence, plus fine face :P, I think it is normal for us guys to be polygamous. Lemme say why? Cause thats how we are wired. We want more.. I dunno how the mind of a woman works yeah, but when i was with Jilda (whom i loved sooo very much) I still wanted more. I dunno why i wanted more, but I just wanted more cause I am a MAN, thats what we do. But the fact that i literally cheated, does it mean I loved her less? hell No! i loved her as much as possible. My point is that a guy looks for options doesnt mean he doesnt know what he wants. I have Niggas that want to love a woman that can cook and clean, I have niggas that want a show off kinda lady (you know the Cleavage and thighs for the masses kinda babe) but regardless what we want, we play around for the fun of it, for the thrill.

    One of my mantras goes thus: Day in and Night out, I might do crap with various girls, might go clubbing, get wasted and all, but you see just before i go to bed, that 1 lady I think of, that one lady I call to say good night to... Well thats her, thats the REAL land lady of my heart. Cheers Bubba, this was a fun read.

    P.S: Have you visited I have a feeling you guys would love yourselves, you think alike. E-hugs.

    1. So how do we reach that middle ground? A guy wants to 'play around' but the lady wants to settle down...she truly wants to know you love her warts and all. Why should there be another that occupies your mind day, then another at night??? If I claim to be completely in love with a guy yet my mind strays to another, I should check it...something is terribly wrong. Granted, one would admire and probably whistle but not to the point of wishing they were the one. My take, relationships should be thoroughly thought out, completely committed to without feelings of regret whatsoever.

      P.S: I shall visit the blog right away. Thanks for sharing. Btw, only you thinks I am awesome and humorous plus me of course ;-)

    2. Okay, i saw your reply a while ago ( well i always click on the notify me button, so i read all follow up mails, yep I am hooked on your blog like that. :) ) Bubba you asked: ""Why should there be another that occupies your mind day, then another at night???"" Bubba, its cause I am a GUY, me in particular I am a woman wrapper by default, maybe not a player, but at least a woman wrapper.. But i think regardless of that, it is still obvious that I love sincerely. Thats how we are wired Ms. Oyinlola, I am wired to want another regardless how much I love my bae. It is well o.. :)

      Oyinlola, i met someone that writes just like you.. Here is her URL. I mean she is almost as awesome as you. Kindly check out the post if you can Bubba. hehehehehe Trust me, it would be worth it.

  2. Hmmmmm. Worrisome. Women put themselves into this web all the time and get brainwashed to believe it is normal. Ever heard of men with white women who helped them get their papers and their African wives not minding to share when they get abroad? It's a tough one babe but i like my man to be emotionally ready for me always and